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 Another BLS interview?… Ex ZAKK ly!
Interview with Zakk Wylde
By Tracey L. & Gus
March 28, 2007
Yes, we admit it. Glam Metal does cover it’s share of everything BLS, however, in this case, we simply couldn’t resist to share with you, our faithful readers, the zany tour bus antics of Mr. Zakk Wylde and the enthralling conversation that ensued.
Just before Zakk was about to recharge his seemingly endless supply of piss and vinegar with a pre-show power nap, myself and Glam Metal cohort, Gus, hung out with Mr. Wylde while he slugged beer and reenacted actual events from his teenage years involving his father and incidents that would most likely send child protective services to his rescue.
Nevertheless, it seems the stern discipline and support Zakk received from his family is what instilled in him his strength, his determination, his strong religious conviction, and his patriotism. Combine that with the life experiences of being a rock star since age 19, while attending the college of Ozzy, add to that a case of beer and top it off with a Les Paul, and you end up with the sheer ferocity that defines Zakk Wylde.
Scared? Well don’t fret, everything in life has balance, and in addition to his unlikely desire to appear on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ Mr. Wylde also possesses a softer side that is equally intense. It may be disguised with leather and miles of hair but it was revealed to us on this night. Had we not been treated to a volcanic performance later that evening, the hours spent on the bus with Zakk were well worth the price of admission alone. We were even lucky enough to get a personal tour of the bus including Zakk’s private quarters and beautifully tiled shower stall (see pictures below).
So, step on in & join us, won’t you…
Zakk, I’m interested to know why is it that you have very few tattoos? In fact your arms are bare.
My wife’s got more tattoos than I do. The best is she’s got this really cool looking “Z” on her left arm. In fact the dude said, “If you ever dump this fuckin’ lame McCrowd ass we could always turn it into a butterfly or something.” But, I never had any interest in gettin’ ‘em. But a bunch of my buddies, when G ‘n R was at their height of power, like everybody started getting tats, cause ya know who could have more tattoos than Axl and shit like that? All my buddies, that would never get a tattoo in their life, were like “Man that’s cool,” and I’m like, “Yeah, thats cause you’re a bunch of lambs, you’re not lions. You’re followers.” If I were to get one though, I would get “Mother” going down my arm in a Black Label font and “Father” over here. Then I’d get, fuckin’ a big thing of Jesus Christ on my back with “Strength”, “Determination”, “Merciless”, “Forever” (at each of the four points of the cross). That would be it. Those would be the tats that I would get.
Then I would have an arrow pointin’ to my ass that says, “I’m in the music business, open 24/7, insert cock here.”
Earlier you were talking a lot about your family and how your parents were supportive of your music after a little convincing on your part.
If ya ain’t got family, then whattya got? All this shit means nothing to me, (referring to the tour bus and surroundings) I mean, its nice, it’s awesome, but fuck, I’ll sleep on the fuckin’ floor.
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You touched on not pressuring your kids to follow in your footsteps, but do they show any interest in music yet?
My daughter was taking piano lessons from Mrs. Rhodes, (Randy Rhoads’ Mom) which is amazing cause I worship Randy Rhoads. The fact that she is taking lessons from her is proof that God exists, ya know what I’m saying? Even like when my Mom asked, “Why are you crying?” “Well, Randy Rhoads died,” and she said, “You don’t have to cry anymore, he’s in YOU now.” And I know that. And now my daughters taking, ya know, …it’s proof babe, ya know what I’m sayin’? Without a doubt. (We give Zakk a minute to regain his composure, as he is obviously overcome with deep emotion over this topic.)
I know it’s an emotional subject for you, man, but last week they had the 25th an niversary of his passing…
Yeah, back on the 19th, but we had to go back home we couldn’t make it. But we donated a bunch of dough to Randy’s scholarship fund and everything like that, cause Kelly and his family…and all, Mrs. Rhoads, they are all beautiful people. Anything for Randy. Definitely, ya know.
So how is the tour going so far? (the somber mood quickly turns around as he jokingly answers)
Subtle, yet sassy. Bold, yet provocative. A very majestic tour so far. (laughs) Nah, we’re just being gay as usual. Everybody’s having a good time. It’s another Black Label “panty on” of gayness.
How did Black Label actually come to be? What were the circumstances?
The whole thing was I was just sittin’ around. Nothing was happenin’ with Guns n Roses, nothing was goin’ on with Ozzy. I was like, “What am I gonna do now?” I’m just sittin’ back, I got Barb and the kids, and I’m like, I better pull somethin’ outta my ass soon.
The first song I ever wrote when we started doin’ Black Label was “Spoke in the Wheel.”
That’s why I always keep it in the set. Ya start feelin’ like just another spoke in the wheel; well I ain’t another spoke in the wheel. I’m AM the goddman mother fuckin’ wheel!
That’s the way lions think. In Black Label, we’re Lions. We’re not panthers, were not tigers, were not fuckin’ cheetahs, we’re the fuckin’ lions. That’s what we do. When we fuckin’ talk…(Lets out a thunderous roar) You have to have that mentality, you know what I mean? I mean everybody gets depressed and everyone goes through darkness.
The bottom line is how do you erase the darkness. That’s Black Label. It’s about the mentality. I tell my daughter, I tell my son, I say, “Daddy gets scared too.” Doesn’t matter how much I lift or how bad I am, I get scared too. But, the bottom line is how you DEAL with being scared. If it was up to me, ya know, I don’t want to fight right now, but I have too. So that’s Black Label. You thank the Good Lord, (here Zakk actually gets down on bended knee, fist to the floor, bows down and says “Let’s go fuckin’ do this.”) That’s what it’s all about.
Fill us in on your upcoming movie, “Berzerkers.”
I’m working on that one as soon as we get back from the gay brothels, (laughs) and takin’ care of all the bambinos over at St. Judes, and then fixin’ the war over in Iraq, just like pummeling and destroying everything over there and flying the American flag, once we get done with that, then we start pumpin’ the movie out. But uh, no, quite honestly, we’re gonna give a box of ‘depends’ to every one that comes into the theatre to see this movie. It’s just quite possibly the most gayest movie you’ve ever seen in your life. The crappiest, shittiest, gayest movie you’ve ever seen in your life. Everyone that’s in the movie has no acting skills whatsoever. It’s all my buddies that are in the music business, and all my buddies that are athletes. They go, “Does he have any acting skills whatsoever?” It’s almost like in Animal House when they go, “Daniel Day Lewis? We don’t even have a record of you in this school.” And he goes, “Is there a problem with that?” (laughter from all) cause Animal House is Delta of music, and we are the Delta Ki Black Label is the Delta Ki of Music.
Everyone that is in Black Label, I swear to Christ, they are fuckin’ cartoon characters. Everybody that’s here, you can’t make ‘em up, ya know what I’m saying?
So you know what, you play on your strengths, that’s what the movies about. Remember the Warriors? Well this is called “Berzerkers.” It’s like Blazing Saddles, like a Mel Brooks, Monty Python twist. We’re the Berzerkers and we all still live at home in the basement with our Mama and Dada. We’re all bad ass and we’re all forty fuckin’ years old. Like the blacks guys are all white dudes, and the honkeys…all black guys. Like nobody can get anything right. Gary Coleman is like the head of the white guys, he’s like “Yeah man, down with those black dudes bro!” Then the head of the black dudes is Vanilla Ice. Then you got the faggots so you gotta have the alpha male. The baddest ass dude on the planet, and that would be Kerry King from Slayer. So we get Kerry, and the uniforms for the faggots are these Richard Simmons short shorts, and Kerry King is the leader of the faggots. The whole point of the whole movie is to get to Coney Island to get a hot dog. It’s like all these scenes that are goin on, with all these horrendous pathetic gangs, it’s almost like Cannonball Run, with all these people making cameos in the movie.
So does this mean you have your Oscar speech written already?
(I seem to have caught Zakk off guard with this question…as he got all tongue tied)
No, I’m just gonna, uh, ha, well uh, no, ha, ha. Um, let’s put it this way, if it actually got that far for like the most pathetic shit ass suck movie…
New category, category!
Nah, we’ll let the kids from St. Judes get up there and accept the award and then say, “Oh by the way...suck our dicks!”
The next Ozzy record, what were your contributions?
I wrote all the songs with Ozzy and everything like that, and Mike Borden, and Blasko threw down on the bass. So, everything’s cool. Kevin Gergo worked with Mutt Lange and Kevin did an amazing job, and he’s a Black Label guy, a beautiful guy, and Ozzy’s singing his ass off. They’re mastering it right now.
Ozzy was like, “No More Tears,,,blah, blah, blah.” I was like fuck no more tears, Oz, come on man, the last couple records we put out are all fuckin shit. It’s gotta be slammin’ Oz! I mean what’s the fuckin’ point of showin’ up?
It’s good that you’re there to keep him on track and be up front & honest with him.
(at this point Zakk gets a little belligerent and starts yelling)
I DON’T GIVE A FUCK about bein’ famous! FUCK IT! If it sucks… IT SUCKS, I mean I’m not playing to go 7 to 9. I want the fuckin’ ring! I wanna win the fuckin’superbowl. I’m not doing tour dates, liftin’ weights and doin all this shit to come in second place. No one remembers who came in second place. FUCK THAT. We’re the the fuckin’ Ozzy Osbourne band. Now lets go kick some mother fuckin’ ass and go home and get this shit done with I wanna get a blow-job from the wife, alright? So that’s it.
Well speaking about number one, I’m almost afraid to ask this, as you are so upset, do you even give a shit about being voted sexiest rock dude in Revolver magazine’s 2007 readers poll?
(His tone quickly turns from snarling dog to happy-go-lucky in a split second…and before I can finish asking the question he gleefully states...)
Nah, I thought that was that greatest! After all these years, this is the gayest! This is the gayest. I’ve been out on the road, I haven’t showered for fuckin’ 77 days, I haven’t brushed my teeth in 77 days…NUTHIN’! No shower, no teeth brushin’, NUTHIN! Doin the shows, right? And here I am… sexiest fucker alive! (laughter from all) Now we know what the chicks really dig.
Would you ever entertain the idea of posing for Playgirl?
NO. What I wanna do, is me being on Dancin’with the Stars! Zakk Wylde and all the Black Label brothers be on Dancin’ with The Stars. We have no business bein’ on there, THAT would some fuckin’ comedy right there brother. Fuckin’ hell!
Give us your thoughts on the upcoming VH1 honors, which kind of gives credit to those bands who should be in the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame, but aren’t. VH1 is taking it upon themselves to give Ozzy, and other bands, something that should’ve been given a long time ago.
Ozzy’s the same way as me, that’s why we’re the gruesome twosome, two peas in a pod. He doesn’t give a FUCK about any of this shit. Sharon sits us down, Mom sits us down, we’re all there in the living room, me, my wife BarbaraAnn, Oz, and Sharon. Sharon goes, “Okay, alright right boys, lets get serious for a second. Now listen, you gotta be getting ready to go, we’re going to Russia.” (Zakk, in his best Ozzy imitation, pretends to be a stunned Ozzy and belts out… “When are we going to Russia?” Why didn’t anyone tell me this? Whaddya mean we’re going to Russia?” Then Ozzy looks at me and says, “What the fuck is going on here?” Like no one tells him what the fuck…like he just ends up there. He goes to me, “Zakk, are you ready?” and I go, I’m always ready man, now lets get this fuckin’ thing over with! (Zakk breaks into air guitar w/sound effects mode here). It’s a riot, you can’t make this shit up, ya know what I’m sayin?
So what did you have for dinner earlier at the local pub?
I had a chicken salad, just a house chicken salad with vinegar and oil. I gotta keep it sexy. I took my Viagra and everything like that, so I’m getting’ ready for when BarbaraAnn is back out on the road with the kids, ya know, but I’m always sleepin’ with the little guy in the back, so there probably won’t be any action goin’ on anyways. But there’s a bathroom in the back, so I can go and jerk off in the back anytime.
(laughter)
Playing the National Anthem at Shea Stadium, what was that like for you and how did that come about?
I played it at Madison Square Garden too. It was awesome. I always dreamed about playin’ there. I did it at the Staple center for the Kings game and at Dodgers stadium. I always loved playin’ it and we play it every night on stage too, gotta take care of the troops, ya know what I’m sayin?
Is that how you formed a friendship with Mike Piazza?
Mike is the godfather of my son. Little four-year-old Hendrix Halen Michael Rhoads Wylde. The best thing is I named after all these legendary guitar players and a baseball player. Ya got Hendrix (Jimmy), Halen (Eddie), Michael (Mikey), Rhoads (after Randy) Wylde, right? Is he gonna play guitar? Is he gonna play baseball? No, he’s into basket weaving and crocheting… and ballet. (Laughter from all) Hey what ever their dreams are…ya gotta make ‘em come true!
Ok, final question, Sabres play the Devils tonight. Care to make a wager? 
Ya know what? JD’s the big hockey buff. He’s a Rangers guy. So I go like this, I go, “JD, who do the Rangers hate the most?” He says, “Definitely the Flyers, the Devils(now) and the Islanders, we can’t stand them.” Then I go, “those are my three favorite teams!”
(Laughter from all)
So like, I have NO interest in the Islanders but when they’re winning, I’m like GO! GO! And he’s like “You’re such a dick!” and I go,“Go Islanders.” It doesn’t matter, the three fuckin’ teams that the Rangers hate. That’s the reason why I’m a Devils fan, I was always a Ranger fan growin’ up as a kid, cause I would always see it on TV, being from Jersey. But then when the Devils came into the picture, ya know, obviously, if you’re from Jersey, cool, you root for the Devils. Like you’re from Buffalo so you root for the Sabres. Like who is the Sabres biggest rival?
Right now, Ottawa.
Okay Ottawa , so I’d just go, “Go, Ottawa.” Just to be a fuckin’ c—t!
I mean all the guys that I’ve ever met that play hockey are all sweet guys, they’re all great guys. You wanna talk about berserkers, man? Those guys can take a beating like it’s nobody’s business, and then they are still fuckin’ down at the bar later, just fuckin’ pounded ‘em down. Basketball players don’t get their teeth knocked out and then come back 10 minutes later and play. They don’t break their hand and come back to the game.
You gotta love hockey players. That is FACT that Vikings are still alive. The berserkers have never died, everyones like that whole tribe of berzerkers died, NO, it’s sitting on this bus and it’s fucking out on the ICE!
Any parting words for our readers?
Just wanna tell the Buffalo Chapter of the Black Label Society to stay strong. Keep bleedin’ black and keep bleedin’ Ozzy Osbourne. That’s about it guys.
Zakk, thanks very much.
God Bless.
After being tempted by Mr. Wylde’s offer to wager $100 against the Sabres, we decided to pass, and take a tour of the bus instead. During this candid and insightful look into all things sacred, (e.i., Zakk’s bedroom, Zakk’s bathroom, Zakk’s shower, Zakk’s leather vest, that actually stood up on it’s own, a result of being sweat infused for 77 straight days) we were mostly in awe of his depiction of how reality TV dating shows should really be. However, that conversation has been deemed far too obscene for this website, and some things, as hilarious as they might be, should be left behind tour bus doors. Hey, that’s one of the perks you get as a journalist. Sorry boys and girls!
P.S. Sabres 4, Devils 3. Fuck! We really could’ve used that $100.
Be sure to check out: www.zakkwylde.com/blacklabel
And www.25daysiniraq.com
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